Sushi, Love and Other Drugs

November 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

Yesterday was quite awesome, quite awesome indeed. It all started with my girl K and I grabbing sushi over at Osaka. After indulging in my usual spicy tuna roll and philly roll (fried) and K indulging in her much healthier choice, we made plans to go see Love and Other Drugs with our other friend T. I thought it was a good movie. Actually any movie that makes me both laugh and cry is a good movie in my book. I’ll admit there was a lot of boobage but it was nicely balanced out by great shots of Jake Gyllenhaal’s ass. Let’s put it this way, if I were a dude…I would gladly star in Brokeback Mountain with him. 🙂

It got me thinking about love and what I really want in a relationship. For so long I’ve played the role of a modern, independent chick who wants to be decision maker in all things. But lately I’ve felt like that’s not me at all. On a really deep level I want a guy who gives me advice, who plans things and calls at least some of the shots, who wants to take care of me…sometimes. Someone who’s the smart one, the capable one, the wise one. Dare I say, the strong one?

It just makes me wonder, have men forgotten that some women love having the car door opened for them? That some of us love it when they put their foot down and stand for something? Maybe guys, in some situations, are confused about what kind of woman they’re dealing with and how they should approach situations with these girls. Would they be seen as an old-fashioned jackass’s who seem to be unaware that there was a women’s lib movement? Or would they be seen as men who are true to themselves and make a woman feel beautiful and feminine just by standing near him? If I were giving advice, I would tell them I don’t know of many women who genuinely prefer the former over the latter.

But yes the movie did make me cry because it reminded me that all of us do need someone. Even those of us who have convinced themselves they don’t.

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Thanksgiving Recap

November 28, 2010 § Leave a comment

Thanksgiving at mom and dad’s is always a blast and this year didn’t disappoint. Mom is quite simply…a culinary genius.

This year’s feast was interesting in that it almost didn’t happen at all. A couple weeks prior to Thanksgiving, mom and dad’s oven died. I knew this because (1) mom sent me a text demanding the $750 I owe her and (2) she let everyone on Facebook know about the dead oven. She even called a repair man but there was just no hope for the old appliance. It had seen better days, cooked lots of dinners, countless pizzas, birthday cakes, brownies and every single recipe in the Junior League of Mobile cookbook.

Without enough time and money saved to purchase a replacement in time for Thanksgiving, she bought a roaster oven and out came one heck of a juicy turkey. For sides we had squash casserole, my famous mashed potatoes, fruit salad, pie and cake. I’ll admit, she definitely cut back on the sides this year…but I’m not complaining. Having too many options over the years has probably contributed to my ever increasing waistline. So less options = ideal Thanksgiving dinner.

Kyle (brother number 3) has always been the family photographer and captured several moments from the day including…

1. My Martha Stewart moment.

2. The famous mashed potatoes Kyle loves. Yes they are my recipe and yes mom was totally jealous.

3. My brother Ian and his lovely girlfriend, Cameron.

4. Or should I say… Fiancée!!! They got engaged and now I’m finally going to have a sister. I couldn’t be happier for the both of them!

So Thanksgiving was totally awesome this year and I have so much to be thankful for. I’m thankful for my mom and her willingness to go to any length to make Thanksgiving happen. Thankful to God that my daddy is still with us today after being hit head-on by a semi on I-10 last July and spending over a month in the hospital. And I’m thankful for all my brothers and the fun memories we all have together. Life is good.

Some thoughts about dating

November 22, 2010 § Leave a comment

I have to admit: I’m not a fan of dating, at least as it’s defined today. This view developed slowly over time through countless dates, lots of boyfriends, lots of heartbreak, lots of drama, lots of wasted time with nothing to show for it except bitter lessons learned. I think the final straw came after being engaged to a guy I wasn’t really too crazy about. I dated this person for over a year, accepted a marriage proposal, bought a house and moved in with him while convincing myself that he was as good as it gets. Then I snapped out of it, and began the slow process if piecing my life back together. I’m happy and thankful to God that I’ve been able to move on as if the whole thing never happened. Unfortunately for a lot of people, their stories don’t play out the same way. Some get married to the wrong person, have unplanned pregnancies or just survive in loveless relationships.

I think these are all side effects of a flawed dating philosophy. The whole process of building a good relationship starts with a rock-solid friendship. Friendship is not about sex or the feeling that the other person belongs to you or that you belong to them. Friendship is a bond that doesn’t and shouldn’t depend on those two things. Looking back on my own life, I really do know that to be true though it took a long time to really understand it.

So taking lessons learned from my past, I want to move forward and do the opposite of what I’ve always done.

A guy has to prove that he’s capable of being a good friend. In the past I let guys take me on dates. If date one would turn out ok, then there was a date two and a date three and so on. After a few dates we would become exclusive and practically live together. No more of that. No dates. No one person paying the restaurant bill. We just hang out and enjoy each others company.

No shedding of clothing, at least until there’s a wedding date on the books. This is going to be a hard one but I think the payoff will be well worth it. Every committed relationship I’ve ever had that involved getting horizontal, sucked. The reason it sucked was because one, there was no real friendship and two, the guy always ended up taking me for granted. They get comfortable because, in their minds, they’ve already won you over. They are also less likely to break up with you if things are not really progressing. That’s why in 100% of those relationships, I’ve been the one ending them. I don’t want to do that anymore.

The downsides to the new approach are obvious…it’s not really easy. Not easy for me or whoever I’m seeing. That said, it’s been done before numerous times so it’s not impossible and definitely not unrealistic.

Third thing…no commitment. Not yet. This one is hard because it forces you to deny yourself for the sake of the other person. Something only a true friend could do. A man should never commit until he’s engaged…period. That’s not to say he should go out and take a bunch of girls out up until that point. All I’m saying is that if he’s not sure about where things are going, he should. And the same goes for girls.

So there you have it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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